I’m tough, I’m ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.” – Madonna
Do men really love bitches? Or, do they just love and respect women who know their worth, are confident and strong and won’t settle for less than they desire and deserve? A true bitch may be just an entitled, obnoxious and overbearing woman who is accustomed to getting her way and NO ONE could tolerate that behavior for very long. Friends, lovers or mates. But a woman who knows how to stand up for her beliefs, her desires and does not settle for less is a “quality woman” and not a bitch. Unless you cross her, that is!
How do you get what you desire in a relationship without being demanding, overbearing, obnoxious or considered to be a “bitch” by your mate? Easy. Go into the relationship with honesty, integrity and for heaven’s sake do not play games. My suggestion is to be kind, honest and specific about what it is you are seeking in a relationship and don’t pretend that it is something other than what you want. In other words, don’t pretend to love sex if you know you can pretty much do without except once a month when you are ovulating. Don’t pretend to enjoy things because you know he does but the minute you get him you decide you’re tired of pretending. Don’t tell him that you’re willing to move anywhere to be near him but then won’t move across town.
Kind, honest and specific is the way to have an honest relationship and one that will be lasting. A friend and well known doctor, who is truly a catch in every way, dated a woman 2-3 times before she said to him “I want a relationship/marriage and I am not willing to waste an inordinate amount of time dating someone who doesn’t… so you have 6 months to either propose to me or we will be done”. Sound harsh? Maybe to those of you who fear losing someone by such honesty. However, he married her before the 6 month period was up. He found it highly attractive that she was not willing to compromise what she wanted or pretend to be okay until 6 months later when she expected something more.
It’s okay to be the “bitch” who says it’s not okay to be the third person in the relationship (behind his buds or “ex”), it’s okay to tell him you want a monogamous relationship (even if he walks away), it’s okay to say marriage is what you desire (even if he’s a confirmed bachelor), it’s okay to tell him you want children (even if you know he doesn’t), it’s okay to tell him your family is important (even if he is estranged from his), it’s okay to contact him whenever you feel like it (even if he only contacts you occasionally). I have friend who will call her man and make him FaceTime her if she wants to prove that he is where he says he is. Does he balk at the idea? No, because he knows she has trust issues with him (that he caused) and he cares more about assuring her than he does about the fact that it may be inconvenient.
Wouldn’t you rather lose the person early in the “getting to know each other phase” if they are not your match? Or would you rather waste months (or years) torturing yourself, losing your self-esteem, having “on again/off again” breakups and enduring heartache ALL because you were afraid to speak your mind and risk being a bitch? I am proud to be a card carrying “bitch” that doesn’t let anyone walk all over me, disregard my feelings and desires or not make me their number one priority.
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